We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
