So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
