So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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