Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
