i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
