Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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