Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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