Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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