im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
