In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
