dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
