distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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