Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
