I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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