And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
