My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
