I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
ugly people sure do ruin things
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I love how my cats smell like pot.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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