sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
