i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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