When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
