I smell stomach acid.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
They have beer where we have blood.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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