It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
