So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
