Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
tell me about the eggs
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
