wrigley field is MILF paradise
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
