i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
