If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
