She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
