remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
