Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
