So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
This baby is an asshole
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
