Kiss
Puke
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
