I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
