I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
