nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
