she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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