she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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