uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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