Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
