I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
