i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
