His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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