i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
