The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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