good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
