Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
