when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
If its not for food we ain't going out.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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