Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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