I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
