Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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