The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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