People with herpes should wear stickers.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
