Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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