Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
