I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
